"How would our lives be different if there were less anger and more accountability? What would our work and home lives look like if we blamed less but had more respect for boundaries?"
"When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness—the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging."
"The greatest challenge for most of us is believing that
we are worthy now, right this minute. Worthiness doesn’t have
prerequisites."
"We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick. There are certainly other causes of illness, numbing, and hurt, but the absence of love and belonging will always lead to suffering."
"We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness, and affection."
"Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us."
"We all have it. Shame is universal and one of the most primitive human emotions that we experience. The only people who don’t experience shame lack the capacity for empathy and human connection."
"Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen."
"Whenever I’m faced with a vulnerable situation, I get
deliberate with my intentions by repeating this to myself: “Don’t
shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand on your sacred ground.”
I think there’s something deeply spiritual about standing your ground.
Saying this little mantra helps me remember not to get small so other people
are comfortable and not to throw up my armor as a way to protect myself."
"When we become more loving and compassionate with ourselves and we begin to practice shame resilience, we can embrace our imperfections. It is in the process of embracing our imperfections that we find our truest gifts: courage, compassion, and connection."
"Hope also requires us to understand that just because the process of reaching a goal happens to be fun, fast, and easy doesn’t mean that it has less value than a difficult goal."
"Whether we’re overcoming adversity, surviving trauma, or dealing with stress and anxiety, having a sense of purpose, meaning, and perspective in our lives allows us to develop understanding and move forward."
"Without purpose, meaning, and perspective,it is easy
to lose hope, numb our emotions, or become overwhelmed by our
circumstances. We feel reduced, less capable, and lost
in the face of struggle. The heart of spirituality is connection. When
we believe in that inextricable connection, we don’t feel alone."
"One of the best things that we’ve ever done in our family is making the “ingredients for joy and meaning” list. I encourage you to sit down and make a list of the specific conditions that are in place when everything feels good in your life. Then check that list against your to-do list and your to-accomplish list. It might surprise you."
"If we choose to heal with calm, we have to commit to practicing calm. Small things matter. For example, before we respond we can count to ten or give ourselves permission to say, “I’m not sure. I need to think about this some more.” It’s also extremely effective to identify the emotions that are the most likely to spark your reactivity and then practice non-reactive responses."
"Make a list of the work that inspires you. Don’t be practical.
Don’t think about making a living; think about doing
something you love. There’s nothing that says you have
to quit your day job to cultivate meaningful work. There’s also
nothing that says your day job isn’t meaningful work—maybe
you’ve just never thought of it that way. What’s your ideal
slash? What do you want to be when you grow up? What
brings meaning to you?"
"Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection."
"A strong belief in our worthiness doesn’t just happen—it’s cultivated when we understand the guideposts as choices and daily practices."
"The main concern of Wholehearted men and women is living a life defined by courage, compassion, and connection."
"What we know matters, but who we are matters more."
"We can’t always have guarantees in place before we risk sharing."
"Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that
it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the
reaction of the people in the stands."
"You’re okay. You’re human—we all make mistakes."
"Be perfect, but don’t make a fuss about it and don’t take time away from anything, like your family or your partner or your work, to achieve your perfection. If you’re really good, perfection should be easy."
"If you’re not in the arena with the rest of us, fighting
and getting your ass kicked on occasion, I’m not interested in your
feedback."
"We are hard on others because we’re hard on ourselves."
"We’re visual people. We trust, consume, and mentally store what we see."
"If the opposite of scarcity is enough, then practicing
gratitude is how we acknowledge that there’s enough and that
we’re enough."
"Joy comes to us in moments—ordinary moments. We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary."
"Don’t take what you have for granted—celebrate it."
"But every time we allow ourselves to lean into joy and give in to those moments, we build resilience and we cultivate hope. The joy becomes part of who we are, and when bad things happen—and they do happen—we are stronger."
"Oh, a picture memory is a picture I take in my mind when I’m really, really happy. I close my eyes and take a picture, so when I’m feeling sad or scared or lonely, I can look at my picture memories."
"The most powerful moments of our lives happen when we string together the small flickers of light created by courage, compassion, and connection and see them shine in the darkness of our struggles."
Contributed by Brene Brown
The
Gifts of Imperfection
